denniscoleman.net

1. I want a 7:00 movie to start at 7:00. I don’t need any more Coca-Cola commercials. I know what Coke is by now, and I know that it should not cost 4 dollars. Also, previews for movies that are coming out in 8 months doesn’t help me. Do you really think I take notes or something?

2. I want all of these radio talk show types to give us a break. It’s just too hateful to listen to, and by the way, we think you’re stupid if you expect us to believe that one party is always right, and the other one is always wrong.

3. You know those lines at the supermarket that are for self check out? If you don’t know how they work… stay out of them. If you don’t know what PLU means, get out. It’s irritating when you ask for help with every item. Go back to the remedial lane where you can bitch about the way they put the Comet cleanser in the same bag as the hot dogs all that you want to.

4. I want a special driving lane that is marked “Asians Only“. Lets give them a place to drive at 17 miles per hour, with their nose pressed up against the windshield to their hearts delight.

5. I am calling for an international ban on both rap music, and white people that try to dress like black people. You’re not fooling anybody, we still know that you’re white. P.S. You sound absurd when you try to talk like you’re black.

6. I want I.Q. tests taken at the bar. Everyone loses 30 points when they drink, and that’s O.K. But when you start with an I.Q. of 80, you are three drinks away from pissing off everybody. This particularly applies to young males that believe that drinking Jaegermeister and Dr. Pepper makes them cool.

7. Stop showing me pictures of your dog. I have no idea how to react to this. What is wrong with you people?

8. Facebook has become a very cool place to connect, and to find old friends. I really don’t think it’s that interesting to write stuff like “Having Meat Loaf tonight,” followed by “Meat loaf was really good,” and then, “Going to bed after I fix a meat loaf sandwich for lunch tomorrow.” Nobody gives a crap.

9. I want a Wawa inside of every Wal-Mart. There is almost nothing that I need outside of those two places. In the future, I will lobby to have a bar inside of the Wawa.

10. I want to get rid of the House of Representatives, since I don’t what they do, and apparently, neither do they. While we’re at it, lets change the way that we pick candidates to run for President. The last 10 years seems to suggest that we can do better.

11. You can take down the No Smoking signs. Everybody knows.