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10. If your kids are mooching dinner off you again this year, make them rake leaves. Every once in a while, holler out the window that when you were a kid there were no fancy tools, like rakes.

9. Do not shave. After all, it’s a Holiday.

8. Holler into the kitchen a few times, saying, “Keep the racket down in there, I can’t hear the football game.”

7. Watch “Christmas Vacation.” Imitate Eddie for the rest of the day.

6. Rig the Pollyanna so that everyone gets you.

5. If the little kids insist on watching the parade, tell them that parades are stupid, and that Santa isn’t real.

4. Nap on the couch. Snore violently.

3. If you find yourself feeling gassy, let fly and blame the dog. After all, it’s a holiday.

2. Start telling everyone in the family that Christmas will be a little “thin” this year, unless your lawsuit settles.

1. At some point during the day, it is imperative that you loosen your pants, and scratch your belly as way of showing pleasure for the meal. Daughters love this.