I’m going to miss George Carlin. He certainly was a funny cocksucker.
I always found inspiration in the way that he was angry at all of the right things; the kind of things that are supposed to piss us off, but often don’t, or at least not enough.
George Carlin never told jokes; he wasn’t that kind of comedian. What
made him funny was the fact that joke was always on us, and our own behavior, particularly in the ways that we tend to fuck up the world.
Moreover, we didn’t mind. In fact, we loved it. We loved it to the point where we could just about piss our pants laughing at ourselves.
He was around long enough for us to watch him go through the stages of his life, always seeming to find enough fodder for laughs in the current state of the world, and our unending need to turn it into shit.
I’m gonna miss him, that’s for sure. He was the one who told us where the boundaries were, in the way that he crossed them. He crossed them, not by tiptoeing over them as some comedians do with their endless dick jokes, or comments about tits, but by smashing through the boundaries in a way that forced us to think about what was right, what was wrong, and what was funny about each.
Long ago, he established himself as the guy who yelled out what the seven words were that were unacceptable to say on television. Decades later he said them all on television, but only on certain kinds of television. Yea, that makes sense.
My only disagreement with him ever was that one of those words is just so nasty that it shouldn’t be said on television, or anywhere else for that matter. You ladies know the one I mean.
Now, we have to go on without him. It’s like we have lost our guide.
Rest in peace, George. I hope that on your tombstone they mention that you were a good man, and a hilarious motherfucker.
Is it just me, or are things a little wacky at Owen J. Roberts Schools?
The headline in the paper today said that the school swimming pool would have to be drained, because an errant soccer ball smashed a window, leaving glass in it. I have a suggestion. Fill the pool with dirt, and save the money. I cannot see how it is possibly worth the investment to keep a swimming pool maintained with the amount of time that it could be used, and to a much greater extent, for the few number of students that it serves. School is just not a place for a swimming pool, if I am paying for it, which I am.
Of course, we do have the fancy electronic sign out in front of the school. Someone told me it cost more than fifty thousand bucks, but that can’t possibly be true, can it? I mean who needs a fancy sign like that to announce the school play.
I was told that it would also be used for emergency announcements, but I don’t guess that’s right either. Who in the world is going to drive down to the school to read a sign in an emergency?
Also, is there someone promising to stick around in an emergency to post a message?
“Uh, excuse me ma’am, the schools on fire.”
“O.K. Let me just put it up on the fancy expensive electronic sign that the school is on fire.”
“No need ma’am, you can see it from the road.”
“Good point.”
If they want to make that sign really useful, they should post the daily breakfast special at the Ridge Restaurant. Now that would serve the community.
Nowadays, you can get away with any rule, or any expense, if you just say that it going to keep someone safe. That’s also how administrators get to brag about their zero-tolerance program. I recall being taught that intolerance is a weakness, and having examples cited such as old Joe Stalin. Regardless of the opinion of the school, or the state of the world, it is a timeless truth that children will require tolerance in growing up.
I fear the coming reaction of the children when they one day consider the entirety of their education.
Perhaps it will be them that consider all of the costs of giving up too much freedom to ensure safety. Perhaps the kid that got suspended because he had a penknife in the locked glove compartment of his locked car will lead the way to sense and reason.
The world has changed; there is no doubt about that. Has there ever been a time when that wasn’t true? It is the reaction to the change that I find most disturbing. Here are a few examples of what the community has allowed to happen.
-Every kid rides on a bus where every move is videotaped.
-There are cameras in classrooms.
-There is a constant security presence in the school.
-The school decides what foods kids can eat, not parents.
Review those four things, and tell me if it doesn’t sound just a little bit like being incarcerated.
Of course, all you have to do is read on the school website that recently a whole bunch of people spent a whole lot of time creating a mission statement; so I am sure that sense and reason are just around the corner. Maybe it’s closer than I think, because apparently the school used to be “good,” but pretty soon it is going to be “great.”
Of course, there is nothing at all that we can do about the foolish spending, endless self-praise, and militant stature that the school seems to have endorsed, adopted, and approved. We are all just helpless to the whims of the school board and the superintendent. Right?
Ah Spring… the time of year when optimism rules, and anything is possible. Here is my list for this years springtime accomplishments.
1. Take out my golf clubs, and shine them up until they gleam like new. Polish my golf shoes, and check my supply of balls and tees. Then put them back where they were, and promise myself never to play that silly game again. The only thing I really like about golf is being able to drive drunk on somebody’s yard.
2. Get the Phillies schedule and circle a few games for late in August, when they will be out of the race and I wont have to go.
3. On the first really warm day, go for a long walk, until my ankles hurt, which will take all summer to heal. Tell everybody that I would exercise more, but I have a sports related injury.
4. Clean the attic. Become irritated when I discover, once again, that most of the stuff was left behind by the kids when they moved out. Bring everything down by the front door and put it in labeled piles. Take everything back upstairs in two weeks.
5. Lay in the driveway, with pebbles sticking in my back and change the oil in my car, because, “why I should I pay for something that I am perfectly capable of doing myself?” After getting oil in both ears, and losing the drain plug, look up the number of Jiffy Lube for future reference.
6. Make the annual call to my sister to see if she is making any progress on that loan from 1983.
7. Start to put all the CD’s in alphabetical order. Give up when I realize that I spent have three hours staring at a Pink Floyd album, regretting all of my life since the album was first released.
8. Try again to come up with a snappy nickname for myself. Attempt to improve over last year’s effort of “Wonderboy,” which never really caught on.
9. Buy a hat that I look cool in. Maybe try something with a feather this year.
10. Go to the hobby store, and look around for inspiration for a great new hobby that I can take up. Become disenchanted when the only thing that I learn is that I seemingly have no talent in any area. Stop at the toy store and buy one of those paddleball things, and swear that this will be the decade that I master it, as long as I don’t get another defective one.
